Miss Helen’s Weird West Cabaret Lyrics

Miss Helen’s Weird West Cabaret Lyrics

(The Ballad Of Lost Hollow Act 1)


There a desert where a carnivale
hungry roams round and prowls
waits to feed but lets not speak of this now

A frontier town past the desert rests
here in the queer and quite weird west
lets stroll its street as the sun creeps on down

Soon we come to the saloon
let us stop, shots they are calling our name
pray we must stay, we’ve come on quite a day
Miss Helen’s one pace from disgraced cabaret

Look round the towns all here and more
werewolves recline upon the floor
all is at last more like now than before

Tonight things that circle wait and prey
crouch far enough away, lets play
with your heart see what it takes it to break

The light dies upon our pale lives
as it rises right now on the stage
settle back in with your glass full of gin
for Miss Helen’s one pace from disgraced cabaret

And now the cast who appears tonight in our torrid tales of intrigue and delight
i am hannah and i shall guide you through accounts from our dear town which we’ll regale to you

every tale a hero must appear, and our sheriff, rugged true and brave is here
this week once again he will face friends i fear

The queen of crime, the sinister Han Mi, whose exotic webs of intrigue and deceit
What dark oriental magic she brings to us from the east

“Ah yes, the tired dragon lady trope again. Come see Han Mi, the lazy racist caricature from a small minded, bigoted, ignorant ass hat of a writer…”

” haha… let’s stick to the script this week..”

“And of course my friends we cannot forget our Alchemist friend and secrets that he tends
our curtain has risen come join us my friends

our towns like an adress to an orgy
for tired tropes and pulp stories
gaze on the floror once more as they writhe and engage

your heart has such sublime ache
an iconic role you’ll make, stay
one day youll appear with us here on the stage

and say, in this saloon those still sane
unite here each week for a play
Let’s all drinkl a shot Of whatever you’ve got
for Miss Hannah’s not quite yet disgraced Cabaret

Han-Mi’s Plot

Tales to be told come this week to unfold
on our blind and brooding stage
The good and the bad and the sane and the mad
in their endless blood ballet

The wild, deranged comes to rattle its cage
we must keep it quiet and tamed
A dance and a song let the mind start to calm
with a touch of peril to grip and hold you
on the edge as events unfold so

Tears sometimes start when one bears you their heart
alone upon the stage
Sometimes the lie tells more truth than you might
have seen in light of day

Our villain Han-Mi needs a scheme for this week
that could bring this town to fall
Here she comes now to confide to us all
of her newest plan of avarice thereof
finally this week break the sheriff

Whats the scheme this week that Han-Mi’s plotting?
There’s a train at 1 pm and its this that she’ll be robbing
The money for the orphanage is what the train has got and
you know she’s gonna take it all toda…

No, no, no. I’m not. That is stupid.

Yes she is cause she knows it’s this week’s plot and…

This week’s plot is dumb so a no a she’s a not a

It’s what the writer wrote

But the writer is a moron. I came up with a better plot myself


Come on, just try it. I swear, it’s like a million times better

(sighs). All right.

So last week, our dear sheriff had been caught and
he was tied up in Han-Mi’s dark bedroom for a spot then

Oo, I wish…
Right, so he escapes but his shirt is torn right off , so then…

Why does he have to be running around without a shirt?

Really, Helen?

Oh my god, you little horn dog!

Just trust me, its totally integral to the plot. Uh, guys? guys?

Can we maybe switch to something softly menacing in F sharp minor? Thank you!


If i made, a plan today
something strange
something sinister, a worthy game, i’d
take the vaccines they made
for the babies and id change them so that when the babies take them
they, they would change, to zombie babes,
and all who watched would gape and pray and and while they’re

poised on the edge of their seats so
id watch him be the gorgeous hero

If i made, a plan today
something strange,
the best plot of this cabaret then i would take
those zombie babes, and with arcane
techniques then i would make then fly and crave to eat your
face, and on that day the sky would rain
with hungry little zombie babes who’d scream and chase
and eat your face and folks will swipe the air with bats and clubs to
chase away the screeching flying bleeding
face eating undead babes
feeding on your heads as people strike them with their bats and crying why
screaming little bodies swooping from the sky
and everyone would scream and cry and while

the chaos reins unleashed about so
i’d watch him be the perfect hero

Jesus Christ, Han, what the hell was that?

I know, it’s awesome, right? Omg i’m so proud of it. I totally thought it up myself and it’s like the best evil plan ever. That’ll keep em glued to the seats…

Okay okay… just… ladies and gentlemen, Han-Mi and her evil plot.
All right folks, next up, the sheriff!

The Sheriff

The Sheriff:
And the sun comes up
along the eastern desert
where the wild men ride
bring trouble in their wake
And there ain’t much sense
when love and death come riding
or the code you find to face yourself each day

Well we always known
mama had seen trouble
in the days before
my sisters and i came
And she gave us each
our first gun at seven
for when the wild side comes for us one day

And the sun comes up
along the eastern desert
where the Barnsdale gang
is coming soon they say
And mama said its that gun
that will see you to the morning
and your code is how you face yourself each day

I’s a teenage boy on a summer night
at a party neath the warm moonlight
when Becky Smith crushed my heart in her hand

I felt the tears well in my eyes
if other kids would see me cry
the mocking would be more than i could stand
so off into forest there i ran

There’s rumors bout a werewolf tribe
outside the town and on this night
i found one laying there beneath the moon

Wounded bleeding from her side
half girl half wolf and to my eyes
such beauty to that point id never known
two days i stayed and tended to her wounds

I never saw a mountain
i never saw a sky
i never saw a site that looked quite like
you are tonight
Its you that are the reason
the stars fall from the sky
into my heart and light my soul
the way you tonight

I never saw an angel, a sunrise or a light
that held a candle to you oh to you here n this night
If i live to be a thousand
or had seen the birth of time
it’ll never take my breath away
the way you do tonight

Them summer nights then she would come
outside my house and out id run
boy and she wolf running paw and hand

Together in the moonlit woods
the summer smells, her eyes of gold
together in our magic midnight land
and one night there she made of me a man

As we lay there naked, smiling, curled
her furry ears perked up she heard
some sounds of trouble somewhere far away

She said that its the Barnsdale gang
they’re at your place and so we raced
in desperation but we took too long
My sisters and my mama they were gone

She caught their scent
we tracked them down
to a ranch outside of town
she told me she was sure they were alive

But 15 men were there and i
had just one gun strapped to my side
She softly growled and told me not to mind
she said my love i will get you inside

I would have wept upon her fallen body
my heart still aches for her to this day
but in that house, upstairs in that bedroom
Barnsdale had my mama shut away

So i burst in, my gun all locked and loaded
that man he had me mama n his bed
he stared at me with a look i still remember
before i filled him full of lead

My mama she looked at me
and lit a cigarette
glanced at the dead body
and took a nice long drag
“Well boy” she said real slowly
then sighed and shook her head
“you just killed your daddy,
me and him we go way back.”

Han-Mi Sings An Intro

When your dreams drifted long out to sea
and the shoreline is black as can be
you could turn to the girl next to you drowning too
come ashore then once more
she’d find comfort in you
Over and over in you
tangled together you’d
want me too

On a rowboat lost far out to sea
filled with costumes and songs that we sing
in the play you think true is the girl drowning too
as you drift she could hold,
and comfort you too
over and over with you
tangled together you’d
love me too


So Han-Mi has put her plan in motion…
You did just fill them in on the sequence of plot events?
Cause it sounded like you were…

Oh yeah, totally. Yeah, i told them all about the plot details

Okay, you have introduce my number

Yeah, i’m on it

Folks this week we have got a song that special
a song that is about our very own Miss Helen
Put your hands together ladies and a gentlemen
Miss Helen herself, folks

Miss Helen

Out in the desert on the outskirts of town
every few years a carnival comes round
They say that it beckons til one soul comes then
it takes them and leaves and they’re not seen again

The weeks when our mom wouldn’t get out of bed
me and Shira would eat chocolate, berries and bread
The house would be ours and wed play make believe
pretend father came back from some kingdom far east

The weeks when our mom wouldn’t really quite sleep
they were fun and yet scary, me and Shira agreed
We would build a gazebo or repaint the place
but it sat there half finished after a few days

And mom would just cackle then grab us and squeeze
i try and i try so much more than you see
I wish i was better i wish i could be
all you need but there’s just one place for me

Girls we should where we really belong
to the carnival, song us a carnival song
I hear it come calling, the sweet music plays
I’ll run to the carnival music one day

By the time we were teens mom had long gone away
and every few years the circus music would play
I did well at school, got good grades and good friends
i learned laughter could be not so scary and tense

But Shira she stayed in the shadows and then
never really fit in never made lots of friend
At night we would still sit together in bed
and she fought feeling manic and morose in her head

And one night she cried and she held and squeezed
said Helen i try so more than you see
I wish i was different, i wish i could be
all you need but there’s one place for me

I know i should go where i really belong
to the carnival, song me a carnival song
I hear it come calling, the sweet music plays
I’ll run to the carnival music one day


I sit out some nights talk to Shira as if
she could still hear me, as if she had not left
I tend my affairs and look after my life
and sit out and eye the dark desert some nights

I don’t know the day or the reason just yet
whether heartbreak or boredom or some minor fret
One day the carnival music will play
and ill go and be with mum and Shira again


Oh look, here comes the sheriff! He and his deputy Henry The Alchemist are coming to investigate reports of trouble

Greetings Miss Helen. It looks like there’s been some trouble with the stagecoach and Henry and i…

You mean the doctors place

No, the stagecoach. it looks like Han Mi is…

No, we’re not doing the train robbery

Oh, we’re not?

No we’re doing… uhm… zombie babies


Flying face eating zombie babies

That’s horrible!

It’s pretty awesome actually. Don’t tell Han i said that, she’ll never follow script again

Well then, we ride off to…

The doctors place

Yes, to…

Investigate reports of the vaccine having strange side effects

Does the band know this?

I told them during your bit

Well then, come Henry. Hi ho Yates!



Just between you and me, have you ever considering Han-Mi as… a woman?

Han-Mi is the embodiment of evil and malicious cunning

No, past the whole villainous thing. Just.. as a woman, do you think..

How can i possibly see her as anything other than a detestable scourge, a blight that should be removed from this town?

Wow. Okay, that’s uh… harsh

Hi ho Yates! Away!

I’m sorry, Han

You know, we really don’t have to talk about it

It’s your song. I am such a… what the hell is with the band?

I don’t think they’re paying attention to us

Guys! Guys! What the hell are you doing? Okay, take your time…

Wow. Yes. Okay folks, we go now to Han-Mi’s lair where she sits brooding.


The queen of crime is brooding in her lair
puffing kiseru and plotting her dark ways
They think she wants to scowl
and watch the world burn down
but she just wants to watch him save the day

I like the role of queen of vice and crimelord
the villain’s always the most fun to play
I wish i was like them
and with my role content
and never pursued past this parlous way
The dragon lady’s live on stage today

Han-Mi see, she runs a den of gambling
Sells opium and knows kung fu, wears jade
she speaks in proverbs then
commands lurking chinamen
in broken english so the scripts all say

I thought that if i just talk with the writer
the racist implications i’d explain
Just to help you know
make a better show
a more engaging, mindful cabaret
The dragon lady’s live on stage today

After curtain call id speak to someone
but when my time as Han-Mi ends and fades
i blank out just dissolve
i’m not aware at all
until the next time i am on the stage

I can’t recall what happens after curtain
between shows i cannot account for days
Who am i post play
after you stop the cabaret?
When did my mind splinter in this way

How do i make it stop
just make it halt
i think my minds not well
is this all my fault

If i stop it all
will i just fade away?
Will i just wake up
to another cabaret?

How do i make it end
can anybody help?
Can’t you hear my cries
cant you see that im not well?

None of you respond
do you even know?
You think that this is just
another part of this damn show

Just sit there and stare
watch me scream and squack
As this never ends
As this never stop

You just sit and stare
at me alone and scared
Why does it not stop
Why am i still here?

There’s only Han-Mi when the curtain rises
the actress who is lost within the play
The performance comes and goes
no one ever stops the show
Is the other me aware i’m here on stage?

If you see me walking on a wednesday
please don’t let me get back on this stage
Find out who i am
Do i understand
the other me is lost within the play?

If you can stop the show today’s the day
Does anybody hear a thing i say?
The girl who’s caught within the cabaret
The dragon lady’s live on stage today

Interlude 2

I know a few things about sanity’s brink
when you can’t trust all you think

I know there’s a place, a place i belong, in the carnival sing me a carnival song

You cant sing that song, there are things it can call,
all who sing it soon are gone
I’ve been there to see when they finally cant keep
ahold, control of all about you
I’ll stop the show, i’m worried for you

If you stop the show i might blank out and go and wake when next it starts

I’ll be by your side the whole time if you slide or cry or come apart

Who am i when this all just stops, and desists? Do i even still exist?

I’ve got you i swear, i can pause this right here
Take a breath, ill stop the show, ready now… folks…

My town of Vulture Rock was quiet, i was young my… hey where’s the music?

Henry, just wait, there’s a thing, i’m afraid i must stop the cabaret

But i’ve practiced for weeks for this night you cant mean that you’ll ruin this for me

Oh god hes right,
hes had this coming
He’s waited and hes trained and i cannot take this from him

What if the show cannot be stopped

Han, stop the crazy talk, we’ll let him sing and then we’ll end the show

Okay folks, finally Henry The Alchemist finally sings his big number!


Henry The Alchemist

My town of vulture rock was quiet, i was young my science
was my favorite thing since i was shy and awkward and cute guys i just
could not talk to
I got so confused
til Evan came along

Alchemy is quite my thing, when solubles are transforming
and matter unmade reshaping and souls themselves transmutating
I dream of potions
of evolution
to lead mankind

The hell mouth just appeared one day a rift in time a tear in space
and monsters from a hellish place came out to eat and kill and chase
and doom arrived
we prepared to die
til an idea crossed my mind

A potion i had never made, too dangerous, but thought could change
a man in strange divergent ways our last hope of salvation lay
with death coming
i made some
and i drank it down that day

“I don’t understand, nothing happened.”

Well at least you tried Henry. its all right. if this is the end, maybe.. maybe we should… just one last time..

Yes, id like that. Mmmm, that feels good

Well you’re certainly getting aroused… oh! dear god.. Henry… whats happening to you?

I… i feel…. like something inside is coming out…. rrraaaaarrRRRGH

I’m the wild man
The party’s always where i am
I’m the scream hurled by that drunk girl
when midnight
I’m the sodomite
who makes everything all right
I’m the mad howl of you night out

Where am i?

Old Coot:
You’re in Rattlesnake Springs up above the Whiskeybath Saloon

But that’s 70 miles awa.. wait, why are all these naked men passed out all over the place?

Old Coot:
Oh, you missed quite a shindig last night., It was all willies and alcohol around here

My alter ego, Hurl indeed could kill the foul invading beasts
but he was wild and wasn’t me, he drank and screwed and fought and screamed
A wild Id
who i hated
at war with my own self

After he’d fought the beasts attacks he wouldn’t want to calm, change back
He’d go on benders that would last for days of drinking, sex and laughs
He gorged in bed
with scores of men
for miles and miles around

The thing that makes me change to him, arousal, an erection, when
desire rises springs within the transformation happens and
i cave, change and he
raves and shames me and
i cannot keep him down

And so i try to keep somehow him from ever coming out
i drink elixirs to renounce and keep my strange libido down
i vow now
i must live without
becoming ever more aroused

Henry! A new monsters has come through and is attacking the town! We need Hurl! You got to get it up!

He cant get it up? But if he doesn’t change we’ll all die!

Listen up everyone, we’ve all got to pitch in to give Henry an erection!

Get it up, Henry, get it up!

Get the men’s rowing club over here! Get your clothes off and start showering! Spank each other playfully! You, cowboys… oh lordy jesus, you don’t need no instructions.. Git the college kid over here. Right, give me the shy freshman bit… good, okay, pretend you’ve never seen one before… you’re so curious… you just have to reach and out and… oh, i think it’s working… come one Henry, rise and shine, boy

I’m the wild man
The party’s always where i am
I’m the scream hurled by that drunk girl
when midnight
I’m the sodomite
who makes everything all right
I’m the mad howl of you night out

I’m the craving and the action
I’m the strive for satisfaction
I’m the will to live, the passion
that will make you dance and scream

I’m the hunger thirst for more
that keeps the species moving forward
I’m the blood lust and the gorge
that survival itself needs

I’m the fire in the stove
of evolution don’t you know
The species clawing upwards goes
because i’m there to scream and poke

When death is at your feet
I’m the beast you better feed
My greed exceeding to extremes
is the rebel scream you need

I’m the wild man
The party’s always where i am
I’m the scream hurled by that drunk girl
when midnight
I’m the sodomite
who makes everything all right
I’m the mad howl of you night out

Evan who i loved, he broke my heart when he broke up
for Hurl filled him with disgust, and we couldn’t ever touch
For if we held i might arise and change there before his eyes
and hurl would mock him and he’d cry and so he left me one long night

The town looked at me strange, a mix of fear and awe and shame
for hurls wanton and lewd ways i felt their constant furtive gaze
Locked inside my house i’d stay there cowering and id hide
while Hurl rattled deep inside the carnal cages of my mind

A two week bender gone astray i woke up in a strange new place
here in lost hallow where i stayed and keep my urges pressed away
I work my alchemy in a dank basement neath the street
where somewhere deep inside he sings and waits til next he’s free

The Beginning Of The End

Wow! ladies and gentlemen, Henry The Alchemist!

Great job henry. that was fantastic

Thanks, guys. But Han i know you see something i don’t. Could you tell me please?

Henry it really was great i mean that


But as long as you ask
i might talk with the writer bout one thing

Han, let’s let henry get…

It’s just in the subtext

No, please i want to know

Well, your song is about a gay man who’s major trait
is that his sexual urges make him a beast they make
him a monster, they’re uncontrollable
he’d be normal as long as his sexual desires were erased

Oh my god!

Oh, christ…
The audience loves it, they do, let’s just stop

The audience would love if you performed without a top

Helen: Oh my god

doesn’t make it the right thing to do

No, that’s okay, i never thought of it that way
What should i say?

Can you talk the writer?

Of course

Thank god. So who is he?

Uh… come to think of it i dont know

You don’t know

I should know, but my mind’s a blank

Helen? what his name?

I cant say

Can’t or won’t?

I don’t know

Who writes this show?

I’m sure i know

Who directs it? When do we rehearse?

I don’t know. Lets just go on with the show

What did you eat any one day this week?

Don’t let madness come seep in, don’t let it creep
The carnival comes, i don’t want you to go

Helen can you really stop the show?

Of course.

Wait! Wait wait! Wait, i have to speak to Han. It’s important. There’s something i have to tell her.


The Sheriff:
I want you, i want you just one time
Just to know you, just to feel your skin on mine
I want you, to feel your breath and feel your lips
Just to taste you, you and i and just one kiss

Coil and wind
with me our limbs entwined
Hear the sigh and cries
taste you just one night

See your face
gasp as we clasp, embrace
Lost in time, we try
ourselves you and i

And god i swear to you
i want you
my heart before you lies
if you would want to
just say you will tonight
i want you
such desire and delight
if you want to
you and i this one night

I want you, that moment in the air
before the kiss comes, that instant that it’s there
oh god i i want you, that sigh we might share yet
when the warmth comes, the feel of skin on flesh

Unwrap and writhe
flesh moans bathed in soft warm light
Alone in a room somewhere
a private world we share

Together yes we could for just one night
just think of the things we’d try
a memory that’ll make us smile
when we day dream down the line

Oh god i swear to you i want you
and if you would want to try
oh god i want you
be with me just one night
I want you, such desire and delight
in our secret, our secret world for just one night

If you want to, tangle ourselves up tonight
it takes one kiss, to see if it all feels right
Standing close til, the world only is we two
in a space made up of just me and you

Dream A Dream

Dream a little dream
Dream a little dream
Dream a little dream with me

Dream a little dream
All’s not as it seems
Dream a little dream with me

Wishes wished away
lost within the play
Run inside the mirror and maze

Whispered words of love
soothe the bleeding cuts
Sleepers will not soon awake

Laughter in the halls
words you cant recall
wonder is this really all

Something holds your scene
To be is not to seem
Dream a little dream with me

You and i could lay together on a cold and windy night
fire in the hearth sheltered from the world outside
But spiders in the cupboards, and flies upon the wall
the saccharin coated painting melts, its not real at all

I wish i smelled a fire, on your lips id tasted wine
but something here deceives us, something that i’ve yet to find
There’s many things i’m sorry that i cannot believe
like when you turn and tell me, tell me you love me

Dream a little dream
Dream a little dream
Dream a little dream with me

Dream a little dream
All’s not as it seems
Dream a little dream with me


I built this show from ground on up
worked so hard to make it run
stressed each week from opening to encore

A theater troupe back a long while
had came through town, made Shira smile
It made her stick around a while more

The story behind all these shows
you’d think i’d be the one to know
but standing here there’s nothing i recall

But if you question what is true
the carnival will come for you
the show must go on keeps you from the fall

The play itself is lulling us to sleep and
something here manipulates and schemes
All’s not as it seems
it pulls upon our strings
We’re wandering up here lost within a dream

Speak to us
Will someone out there speak to us
Are we alone here?
Lost up here upon a stage
alone inside an unwatched play
if someone out there’s left to trust
speak to us

I’ve studied back behind the stage
there are no doors no patent ways
you exit the left wing and then
you’ll walk out through the right again

A maze made
for a beast to cage
perhaps its me this trap must chain

we must be careful, not allow
this trap to let the beast come out
we should ignore keep on somehow
the show must just go on right now

The carnival it comes for you
if we question what is true
I don’t like when i don’t know what to do

No, you both have memories that
keep you from breaking out this trap
i say we stop the show until someone comes to

Helen and Han-Mi:
Speak to us
Will someone out there speak to us
Are we alone here?
Lost up here upon a stage
alone inside an unwatched play
if someone out there’s left to trust
speak to us

I never saw a mountain
I never saw a sky
I never saw a sight that looks quite you look tonight

hank you must have loved her
your precious werewolf girl

I do

look at me closely, you can see that i’m not her

Han-Mi, the delectable scourge which must be removed from this town!

aand we’re back

Who wouldn’t miss this?

But i want you.. i want you just one time…

you never saw a mountain you never saw a sky

I never saw a sight that looks quite like you are tonight…

just make it stop, just make it halt
i think my minds not well

Hank its not your fault

There are times a think
she was all that’s real
in world where threads of fate are spun on catherine wheels

They say when you break there’s a place you belong

I’ve been living like this for a while, holding on

Is nothing left real to you?
Nothing real any more?

You are.
You are to me.
I don’t have much left to to cling.
Though you hate me, i know, cause it’s part of the show
and i’ve nowhere to go

the light died upon out fair lives
but it rises with you on the stage
i clung to just this, that one good man exists
in Miss Helen’s one pace from disgraced cabaret

I built this show from ground on up
i’ve put in tears and sweat and blood
some weeks held it together by a prayer

i made it cause i love this town
and watching it come crashing down
someone will give me answers this i swear

you want my cast then understand
you’ll pry them from my cold dead hands
i want to speak with someone right away

the show is stopped there’s no more play
i’m halting this here cabaret
until someone comes up here to explain

i built this show from ground on up
i’ve put in tears and sweat and blood
some weeks held together by a prayer

the show is stopped there’s no more play
i’m halting this here cabaret
until someone comes up here to explain

we’re live in a feed back plan
we’re caught in recursive strands
we’re placed a moebius cage
or else we’re not awake

Cages within cages

I’m sorry
i’m sorry i was blind
I won’t play these insane mind games again

I’ve had enough its been too long that this goes on
it all must stop, its all gone wrong, we will not let this carry on
the show is stopped there’s no more play
i’m halting this here cabaret
until some comes up here

Cages within cages
I’ve had enough its been too long that this goes on
it all must stop, its all gone wrong
This show is stopped, there’s no more play
i’m halting this here cabaret
until someone comes up here to

Speak to us
Speak to us
Lost up here upon a stage
Alone inside an unwatched play
if someone out there’s left to trust
speak to us

speak to us


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