This is a real house now available for a mere 3 million in Joshua Tree, California.
Most of us of course aspire to take over the world and ruthlessly rule it with an iron fist. Really, any other aspiration is paltry. But let’s me honest fellow Overlords, sometimes motivation slips a bit, dead end job gets you down, good minions can be so tough to recruit and they die so easily, some stupid hero bumbles across our master plan and it’s back to square one. I know, i know. It’s tough, it really is.
But here, HERE is lair that really let’s the world know you mean BUSINESS! That really inspires you to wake up in the morning (or midday, or mid afternoon, we are supervillians after all, convention can go bite us) and greet the day with a hearty shout of ‘NO MISTER BOND, I EXPECT YOU….. TO DIE!!!!”
Finding a lair that appeals to the modern supervillian can be a difficult market to navigate. If you’re like me, you have well rounded needs. I may need to slip effortlessly from well mixed cocktails and tasty hors d’oeuvres to strap in tables, laser torture and shark tanks. I need a lair that allow the seamless transition from one to the other and back again. I don’t want to hear the wretched cries of agony and pleading from some medieval stone dungeon, i want to sit in luxury a floor above and daintily drink a cup of their blood while high priced escorts pout at me from across the room. This then is the place you can do that and more.
So few real estate agents understand the complicated needs of the modern supervillian. It’s the little detailts LIKE GETTING THE RIVERS OF BLOOD OUT OF THE FLOOR. SERIOUSLY. Carpeting? Forget it. But hard wood floors? See they THINK hard wood floor will solve that problem. WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE? SOME JEFFREY DAHMER TWO BIT AMATEUR? Sure a dead body here and there, but COME ON people, one modest massacre and the blood goes straight through the floorboard. It leaks downstairs rots away at the finish. No. NO. i have been down that road TOO MANY TIMES.
These are the floors you need, frienemies. Look at the pic above. The blood will trickle out in a lovely stream and a simple minion and a swiffer will insure that the next unsuspecting victim or do gooder will never know what happened or what fate awaits them
This house is available now. For a measly 3 mil. Shit, i engineers coups for countries with more than that in the safes of their royal palaces. I blackmail gay scientologists for more than that. As i’m sure you do too. So what are you waiting for? It’s a….. STEAL. No, really, it’s…. to DIE for.
No seriously, buy this shit so i can come over and we can RPG in the basement on a table made of the severed torsos of our enemies. Or your enemies. it’s your house after all. You DO have a torso table, though, right? I mean i’m having this discussion with a bleedin’ amateur, right? Good. I didn’t think so.