So i ran across a couple sites that have these Yiddish curses. I grew up with this sort of humor, and i gotta say, these are brilliant. So i’m reprinting my favorites here. Cause why not? In honor of Yom Kippur for those who observe.
- May you have twelve healthy children.
And then may someone give one of them a whistle.
- May they find thousands of new cures for you each year.
- May you run to the toilet every three minutes or every three months.
- May you have devoted children to chase the flies off your nose.
- May your daughter’s beauty be admired by everyone in the circus
- May you grow so wealthy you can afford only the finest specialists.
- May they name a baby after you!
- (Traditionally, babies are named after *dead* relatives.)
- You should find a gold piece on the sidewalk and be so arthritic you can’t pick it up.
- Your nose should grow so much hair it strains your soup.
- May your blood turn to alcohol so all the fleas on your body get drunk and dance the mazurka in your belly button!
- May the sun and the spring breeze warm you and caress you like an apple as you hang from a tree.
- May your bones be broken as often as the Ten Commandments.
- May he have a big store full of goods: may people not ask for what he has, and may he not have what they ask for.
- May you back into a pitchfork and grab a hot stove for support.
- “Your head should be full of lice but your arms should be too short for you to scratch.”
- May you lose all your teeth, except for one — and *that* one should hurt!
- May you win a lottery,
and spend it all on doctors.
- May you live in a house with a hundred rooms,
and may each room have its own bed,
and may you wander every night from room to room,
and from bed to bed, unable to sleep.
- May you grow so rich that your widow’s second husband
never has to worry about making a living.