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Fictional Characters You Hate

10 Feb

dobby

Here’s an idea i ran across that’s fun. Name 5 fictional characters you hate. They just drive you NUTS.

Let’s be clear however, i’m not talking about a character designed to be hated. Joffrey and Cersei Lannister for instance. We all hate them (unless you’re a completely insane psychopath), but they were designed to be hated. No, what i’m talking about here is Jar Jar Binks. Characters not MEANT to be hated but that holy crap, just irritate the beejeezus out of you.

I REALLY wanted to include Russel Crowe’s Javier because every single time he opened his mouth in the Les Mis film i wanted to scream while covering my ears until he finally shut up and died, but that would be hating an actor’s performance as opposed to the character who i otherwise find utterly intriguing. There are also obvious choices like Bella from the Twilight series, but to be honest, i am not dumb enough to read or watch any of that series when every single friends i know of any gender or persuasion whose opinion i even mildy respect has told me not to.  So no Bella. Or Edward.

5. Katniss Everdeen by Book 3 of The Hunger Games Trilogy

katniss everdeen

I know this is short of blasphemy and let me be clear, i loved the first Hunger Games Book. I really did. But look. Maybe i read them in too fast a time period and should have allowed more time in between. The second two books were not as good the first and more to the point, by book 3, Katniss’ inner monologue and endless BITCHING ABOUT EVERYTHING drove me CRAZY. Seriously. That inner monologue of hers finally was just too much for me and i had to put the book down because i couldn’t read another sentences of her griping. The best thing the movie did was take away that inner monologue. Writing from first person can irritate the crap out of me if the writer overwrites.

4. Anakin Skywalker

anakin skywalker

I know Jar Jar Binks is the obvious one to hate and to be honest, he’s SO obvious, i’m not gonna bother listing him. But you know who i really hated throughout all those gawdawful prequels? Anakin Skywalker. I hated him as a little kid. I hated him as a teenager. I hated him as a romantic interest. Basically i hate that terribly written, horribly acted, shitty dialogue spuelinig piece of crap charcter up until he becomes a ruthlessly evil badass, at which point i love him. Darth Vader = Awesome. Anakin = hated him every single time he was on screen. Wondered why i was watching this garbage.

3. Gavroche from Les Miserables (The Musical version)

gavroche les miserables

If this one doesn’t raise a few eyebrows then nothing will. I’ve mentioned this a few times before and i know the usual answers and how cute he is and how sad you were when he died. So let me be very clear about why i hate him: his songs are stupid and contrived and he exists only to tug your heart strings upon his death. He exists only to die. So that you’ll say “Awwww” and cry. “And little people know, when little fight, we may look easy pickings but…” i HATE that stupid song. He is the musical equivalent of cute little kids in stupid sit coms. Everything he says is CONTRIVED. He is SO purposefully assembled to be a cut out character who will manipulate your tendency to like kids (and for the record, i LOVE kids) and thus break your heart when they kill him, that i can’t buy it. Gavroche in the book? No problem. Hell i even kind of liked him in the movie, although i still hate his songs and was overjoyed when they cut some of them short.

2. Dobby in the HP movies
Clippy the Microsoft Windows stupid little pop up paper clip
John Galt
Movern Caller

movern callar

Because i didn’t want a long list and all these character annoy me. Plus i don’t need to write a long winded explanation for them: Dobby: the movie version. In the books he’s okay. Clippy: obvious. John Galt: please, you self righteous cardboard cut out badly written mouthpiece for someone’s pretentious philosophy. Movern Caller: Do you possess any human emotion? At all? Wtf is WRONG with you? Is this a science fiction book about a robot posing as human? Yes, it’s all so nihilistic. When Brett Easton Ellis does it, it moves me. Movern Caller i just want to go away and for heaven’s sake, DON’T BREED. Oh, wait…

1. Scrappy Doo

scrappy doo

Yes, i know it’s decades later. No, i’m still not over it.

 
2 Comments

Posted by on February 10, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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2 responses to “Fictional Characters You Hate

  1. Kristine

    February 10, 2013 at 7:02 pm

    Amen! Sing it, brother! I don’t have much experience with items 2 & 3, but I wholeheartedly agree with everything else.

    I was recently talking to a friend of mine about the Star Wars prequels, and, near as we can figure out, George Lucas must not have had a serious relationship since his wife left him during the filming of “New Hope.” Because no couple I know interacts as woodenly and awkwardly as Anakin & Padme did in the prequels.

    And to anyone who asks me about the Hunger Games, I tell them not to read the 3rd book because it can be summed up in two words: “Katniss whining.” The end

     
  2. Michael R. Gould

    February 23, 2013 at 8:24 am

    Agree with all. Especially Clippy. And Anikin. You know something is wrong when your audience is rooting for the moment yo turn irredeemably evil. How anyone can think you can go from James Earl Jones playing Vader (I don’t care who was in the suit; Jones WAS Vader) to Hayden Christenson is beyond me. Also, the reason ANH and ESB were so awesome is b/c Lucas didn’t go anywhere near the dialogue. He is fine at writing plots, but he should never ever write dialogue. Or direct dialogue.

     

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