John Lautner: Homes You Just Want To Have Monkey Sex With

16 Dec

Well, we’ve certainly had some wordy posts lately, haven’t we? And since i’ve got more wordy posts on the way when i tackle Helen Bravatsky/Theosophy and Edgar Cayce, let’s pause and look at some perty lil’ pikshers, shall we?

Perhaps you recall a previous post on Googie architecture? Big in the 50s and 60s it was the cheesed out vision of the future of its day and now is architecturally the living embodiment of retro future. The man who unwittingly began Googie was Architect John Lautner.

In 1949 Lautner designed the now famous Googie’s Coffee Shop on the corner of Sunset Strip and Crescent Heights in Los Angelas. Three years later  “House and Home” editor Douglas Haskell and renowned architectural photographer Julius Shulman were driving around Hollywood, saw the coffee shop and subsequently ran a piece on it. Haskell termed the style Googie and a movement was born.

However, while Lautner contributed some to Googie, his work goes far, far (FAR) beyond. He is primarily known for residences. He did design some large buildings also, but most never were built. Thus, since i have a glut of photos to show, i’m gonna stick with just the residences.

Let’s begin with an early work of his, The Foster Carling Residence:

Here now is The Schwimmer Residence:

WHY DON’T I LIVE IN A HOUSE LIKE THIS?!?! WHY?!?! Cause i’m poor, that’s why! Seriously people, this situation has got to be corrected. I was BORN to live in houses like this. Buy the Opera! I will continue to work on the whole “getting it performed” angle and together we can buy me a house like this, k? Deal.

Perhaps Lautner’s most famous home, Chemosphere:

Now see, i don’t even need to live here. I just want to make sweet, sweet love to it while Barry White plays in the background.

The Stevens House:

Another quite famous house due to its presence in the Bond movie Diamonds Are Forever, Lautner’s Elrod House:


Omg, i feel like i’m looking at smut on the internet.

SEE?!? We have moved WAY past Barry White. We’re talking putting on Parliament Funkadelic and just getting downright nasty. I want to experience this house in ways that are illegal in most southern states.

That is the ******* bath. You know you need a bath like that. Everybody needs a bath like that.

The Harpel House:

I don’t want to fornicate ON the rug, i want to fornicate THE RUG.

The Tyler House:

Okay, i’m flushed, breathing heavily and undoubtedly creeping every poor soul reading this post out. Two more and you can leave. Feeling wowed and satisfied and yet somehow with a lurking sense of shame. You’re welcome and you have my number.

Lautner’s Garcia House:

See that? It’s like the Brady Bunch and The Jetsons copulated and 9 months later this is what birthed from their unholy union.

Okay. Okay… i’m still here, i haven’t exploded. I’m getting pretty exhausted here from having visual monkey sex with these fine, fine abodes, but before i get sore we better end this so you all can go wash your hands hoping reading this post hasn’t given you anything weird you’re gonna need penicillin for at some point down the road.

Thus, lastly, we present Lautner’s Arango Residence:

Okay. Hang on. I know we’re only at the first phot, but… i don’t even know what’s going on here. Like, what part of the house is this, exactly? I’m pretty well versed on how houses work and what kind of rooms you can expect to find, but… i have no idea what’s going on here.

OHHHHHHH, well that just clears it right up. It’s the…. you know… the Fibonacci room. Who doesn’t have one of those?


What do i want for X-Mas? To have sex with this house. Seriously. I’m not gonna even try to pretend to be polite any more. Me. This House. On the floor like monkeys on viagra.

There you go.

And P.S. This is also a Lautner house and i want to know it in a biblical sense too:


Posted by on December 16, 2011 in Uncategorized



4 responses to “John Lautner: Homes You Just Want To Have Monkey Sex With

  1. matthew

    December 16, 2011 at 3:57 pm

    I see the wife has been out of town for entirely too long.

  2. Mary Lin

    December 16, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    Paul you’re too adorable. You are a top notch cultural interpreter and curator, and I have monkey sex with your blog every time I read it. This is an especially great one. Your take on “steampunk opera” could not be more wildly apposed to ours, which is a good thing, because it means I can be one of your biggest fans …. yes, everyone, buy Paul’s Steampunk Opera! 🙂

  3. Cherries Jubilee

    December 26, 2011 at 6:45 am

    Crazy,BONOBO, monkey sex on viagra…..oh maker…if I smoked, I’d need a cigarette.

  4. Karl Rove

    December 10, 2014 at 3:28 pm

    But Paul – you have no idea where these houses have been, right? Don’t check out any Rem Koolhaus or you’ll need to “change your drawers” in a most ungainly manner. – one who should know


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