The Red Haired Dwarf Pt. 5

12 May

Fighting a psychotically insane person can be quite difficult as your ability to reasonably predict their actions is rendered useless. You can hope that they will choose to do something ludicrously stupid thus giving you a chance to subdue them, but when the only idea they have in their head is to rip off any random part of your anatomy with their teeth, this does not help your cause.

Another piece of advice would be if you’re looking to become a regular fixture in Heaven, dressing as a naked Pan and attempting to slaughter everybody you find in your path will seriously sabotage your chances, but The Dwarf was having more fun than he could remember and so was unconcerned with such tips.

He moved through the secret underground corridors and rooms of the island like an Old Testament plague, but while he lay waste to most of the hired crew, the cabal in charge of planning and building the island chose to abandon it the closer he drew to them, and thus he did not get to meet most of them. He did however manage to heartily disembowel three of them although at the time couldn’t possibly tell them apart from the trail of crippled and corpses he was leaving in his rabid wake and so the specific satisfaction was lost on him.

To the Faeries great joy and everlasting gratitude, he succeeded in freeing the toads, albeit quite accidentally. He was leaping, shrieking from a balcony onto two terrified attendants in charge of monitoring the frogs in their large tank embedded in the floor. He missed and smashed the tank (which he thought was a giant, square eyeball). The frame of the tank surrounding the glass was iron, which Faeires are highly allergic to, thus preventing them from breaking it themselves, but they quickly rounded up the escaping toads. The dwarf was left with many little cuts dribbling blood down his naked, mud painted, deranged looking body which improved even further his general appearance of unhinged, maniacal terror.

As the drug wore off so did his bloodlust and eventually his senses came back to him.

He found a small sailing vessel and after torching as much of the island as possible, set sail blindly in hopes of reaching civilization. He had a crew of Faeries (and a hull full of toads) but Faeries are notoriously terrible at sailing ships. They provide excellent directions however, and although the journey was difficult, he succeeded in reaching safe harbor.

He spent several months recuperating and finally boarded a ship back to his home city of New Albion.

His fate after is well known and he is the center of numerous stories and myths, none of which concern us here and now. The one item of interest is this: before leaving the island he did learn the name of the man who dreamed up the entire business and years later, when his power and fortune were at their long peak, he dedicated sizeable resources and efforts towards finding Abbas al Sabba and bringing him to New Albion for a little get together.

The Dwarf contemplated designing and building some elaborate maze of his own to put Abbas through, but ultimately decided he couldn’t be bothered, so simply spent a few days beating him to a bloody pulp before causing his expiration in a way a bit too gruesome to recount in a children’s story such as this.

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Posted by on May 12, 2011 in Uncategorized


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